I remember Grandma

I remember folding laundry. 

I remember sitting on your bed while you got ready, and you explained why you couldn't wear  perfume when you volunteered at the hospital. 

I remember you washing my hair, and me covering my eyes with a washcloth to keep the soap out. 

I remember how the jets in your tub both excited and terrified me. 

I remember seeing your dentures in a cup in the bathroom. 

I remember you telling me one morning that I had fallen out of bed without waking up, so you just picked me up and put me back.

I remember eating baked beans with Spencer at your kitchen table. I don't know if I liked them then, but I don't like them now.

I remember how you always boiled carrots. 

I remember finding ants in a package of crackers. 

I remember us always eating salads in wooden bowls. 

I remember how you always had homemade bread, just like Mama. 

I remember baking cookies with you. I remember Grandpa eating them, sometimes in the middle of the night. Did you know he did that? 

I remember the kitchen shaking whenever you turned the garburator on. 

I remember playing store with cans and pretend food. 

I remember you reading "The Three Billy-Goats Gruff", and doing the best troll voice ever. 

I remember when you tried to write down the address displayed on the TV screen when I was at your house and really wanted to write to "TVO Kids". 

I remember you bopping around and dancing, teasing me that time I had a song stuck in my head and kept humming it. 

I remember how funny you sounded when I sang next to you in church. 

I remember sleeping in and using "It's early in Victoria" as an excuse. You just responded with, "You're not in Victoria." 

I remember fishing lint out of the dryer. 

I remember when I wore a thick sweater, toque, and scarf when we left to go home,  and you said I looked like I was going to Finland. 

I remember that time when you visited us in Austria, and we were on the back patio. You asked if I had homework and I told you that Mama was still trying to figure out what the assignment was. 

I remember reading devotions with you and Grandpa every morning. 

I remember the fresh wreaths you sent us every Christmas. 

I remember you telling me about how Papa used to scrunch his toes up to let the ants go by. 

I remember you teaching me how to make a bed properly. I remember it every time I make a bed. 

I remember the Japanese things around your house. 

I remember picking tomatoes from your garden to eat with lunch or supper. 

I remember your laugh; kind of cackle-like. I remember your whole face smiling. Sometimes when Papa laughs, I'm reminded of you. 

I remember those photo albums, old yearbooks, and report cards you kept. 

I remember that cot that I got to sleep on sometimes. I thought it was comfortable.

I remember how it felt whenever you'd kiss my cheek. 

I remember how you smelled; kind of like roses. 

I'm glad my first home was your house while you and Grandpa were still in Japan.
I will always cherish those summers at the cottage, especially getting to use the water pump and swim in that glorious lake (even if I did get a leech stuck on my toe once). I'll also remember the outhouses that I did almost anything to avoid.
I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with you and Grandpa. I'm grateful for our chats on the phone and our cards and letters exchanged in the mail. I'm grateful for you.
I remember you and I'll always remember you. No matter how old I get, you will always be my Grandma Mac. Grandpa will always be my Grandpa Mac. I love you, and I'll see you again.

Love, forever your granddaughter,
Morrigan

Back to School Memories

This post might be a tad dull, but since it is September, and stores with "Back-to-School" sales have me feeling nostalgic, here are some of my memories.


September, 2000-- started Grade 1 at Volkschule in Mittersill, Austria
Homework on one of the first days was to look at a picture and describe what was happening in it. Not too difficult...except that it was all in German. Also, all our writing was done using a fȕllfeder (fountain pen), or pencils on occasion.
Learned to read (actually, not 100% sure when I learned to read in English, but I did learn German reading). My friend and I tried to read signs as we drove past them, but we usually only got through the first few letters. Also met my first Austrian friend :)

Septmeber, 2001-- started Grade 2 (same school)
Honestly, don't remember much about this year, but I think I learned recorder.

September, 2002--Started Grade 3 (same school)
Again, don't remember too much, but I got a lead role in the Christmas play, being a mouse. This was my last year in Austria.

September, 2003--Started Grade 4 in Victoria, BC
Okay, now I remember a lot about this year, since everything was new and so different. Seriously, so different!
First of all, you ate lunch at school. What?? In Austria, from kindergarten until grade 4, school only went until noon. Buying a lunch kit and eating at a desk with the other kids was so weird, and also very cool.
Back packs were different. In Austria, the pack backs were more square and wide, while in North America they are more, well, regular?
The kids and teachers speak English. Oh. My. Goodness. What is this?? I can understand others' conversations without even trying? Amazing!
Ballpoint pens. Awesome.
There were also a lot of questions. What on earth are duo-tangs? There's a store called "Staples"? What is a "play-date"? You actually arrange times to meet and play?
Every time I walk into Staples, I remember that year.

2004-2007--Same school, not too many changes. Had a lot of fun and made a lot of friends. No complaints :)

2008-2011--Homeschooled. Back to school is pretty uneventful when you're homeschooled. I held up a sign that said "Welcome to grade__" and my mum took a picture.

All in all, I really liked back-to-school. It was fun to pick out new supplies, and I liked all my teachers (well, MOST :P ).
To all those returning or entering school for the first time, teachers and students alike, and for all those parents and caregivers, I wish you well. May this year prove to be one of learning, not just in the classroom, but everywhere. Cheers!

P.S. Some advice:

1. Never pack an egg salad sandwich for your lunch. NO ONE will trade with you.
2. If you pretend to care in a class you don't like, you will probably end up learning a lot, and maybe even start to enjoy it.
3. NO ONE gets a perfect school picture (unless you are 8/9 or under), so don't sweat if you don't look like your everyday, gorgeous self.
4. If you have to memorize something, try practicing while rollerblading, skipping rope, or other repetitive activity. It helped me, a kid of seemingly endless energy.

Too Stupid

Writer's block.
Hate.
Words. Sentences. Themes. Ideas.
Nothing.


 I love stories; always have. Whether written or told or conjured up in my own head, I love them. I like funny ones, inspiring ones, weird ones, exciting ones, and all the rest. So when I lose access to stories, it really irritates me. It's like when you just lost a tooth and your tongue keeps feeling where it was. I keep coming back to the same problem: writing. I don't handle writer's block well. This has been the worst case that I have ever had. In fact, I'm not even sure I've had writers block before. Well, I guess I'm making up for it since it has been going on for months. And I know what you're going to say: "Write whatever pops into your head", "just force yourself to write", etc. These are great ideas normally, IF you have general idea of at least the kind of writing you want to do, or you have a real passion. I tried writing whatever popped into my head, and this is what happened:

*The following is actual written work by yours truly*

" Sunday, May 7th, 2017:

Rocks Rocks Rocks. I used to collect rocks. From the beach, mostly. I wonder what happened to all those rocks.
Bees. I haven't been stung by a bee since I was a toddler. It was at the cottage. Brain feels blank. Blank. Blank page, blank blank. The word sounds funny now. Funny. Haha. Heehee, rumble, tumble, glob glob, snort. Monkey. Monkey poo. Those cookies taste good. Nicole likes snicker doodles. If I remember correctly, I don't.
Nickels, dimes, no more pennies. Dot dot dot...Leaves. Fall. Green, yellow, orange, red, brown. Curry. Rice, risotto, pavlova. Don't think I've had that.
Inspiration, inspiration. Got to find some inspiration. Write to Sarah. Yes! That's it! Write to Sarah! What do I write? Questions, lists, hopes, dreams, favourites...Margarine. We never have margarine. Kool-Aid. Try to tye-dye with that. Didn't work well. Too bad, so sad. Dye wool. Fibre. Spin Fibre. Spinning, dizzy, fall, laugh. Moss. Green. Too cool for school. I sort of miss elementary school. Maybe I just miss being that age."


...yeah. Thankfully, it ends there. More like a list if you ask me. A strange, slightly creepy list, but a list all the same. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I AM ALONE.

You know something I really want to talk about? Figuring out life. I don't even mean philosophically speaking. I'm so confused with this whole "being an adult" thing. Yes, I know, "you can always be a kid". But there are limits. Are you really okay with a thirty-year-old not understanding basic things like how to write cheques, pay and actually understand insurance? Are you okay with being pelted by endless questions that don't make much sense? Are you ready to try explaining how to fly alone, pay bills, explain how bills and taxes work? Are you able to explain it in such basic terms that a small child would understand? If you aren't cute and young, annoying childhood behavior becomes all the more infuriating. But guess what? I may not be thirty, but I don't understand a lot of the stuff I just mentioned. I don't know how leases work. I am pretty dense about basic political stuff, I don't have a clue about international travel, and I usually over-tip because I have no idea what the appropriate amount is and I don't want to insult or offend people. There are also loads of other things about the world that I don't even know how to ask the questions.
People don't seem to understand how detailed and broken down I need the steps to be. And SHOW me, don't just write it down. I might be a reader, but I'm not the best and learning complex things that way. You know IKEA instructions and how everyone seems to hate them? I love them. I love assembling furniture. I find it both satisfying and fun to work on while listening to an audiobook or watching a video. I'm getting off-topic. My point is, I need things to be simplified to such an extent that your average ten-year old would understand. I need diagrams, I need examples, I need someone to walk me through each step. I used to ask so many questions, that at one point, I was put on a limit. Why am I like this? I have no idea. Am I extremely naiive? Am I not engaged in society enough? Do I not read the right material? No matter what the reason is, I feel stupid. (I typed "s-t-o-o-p" before realizing my mistake. good job.) I feel too stupid to talk to people. I feel underdeveloped and clueless. There are so many people in the world who have fought for the right to learn, and here I am, unable to process the necessities of every-day life.

Okay, I'm done. For now, at least. Sorry this post was a bit scattered and not really clear. I'm really not depressed, I'm just really frustrated sometimes. Have a great rest of the weekend!

A Month of Favourites: July

Hi all,
 Hope you have been having a superb summer! The other day, I compiled a list of some of my favourite things this past month. Thought I'd share them with you.

Book(s):

"Some Kind of Happiness" by Claire Legrand
*Please note that I am not always the best at summaries, so I will do my best and keep it short*

Finley is sent to spend the summer with her dad's relatives for the first time. She knows why she's being sent--her parents need to work out their "issues". What she doesn't understand is why this is the first time she is even meeting her extended family. Soon she is faced with many questions. Why did her father leave? What kept him away? What really happened all those years ago? As more secrets unfold, and answers remain hidden, Finley and her cousins turn to the world that she created about the forest behind their grandparents' house, "Everwood".

Upon reading the book jacket, I was ready to dismiss this book. I thought it would be another story about how kids have an adventure, solve mysteries, and become heroes. However, it didn't take long for me to be sucked in. Lies, pride, inner struggles, and family relationships lend a hand in creating characters and a plot with depth. While intended for children, I think older readers would also enjoy this whimsical tale.

Movie(s):

"Hector and the Search for Happiness"

Hmm, just realized that this title also includes the word "Happiness". The two are not otherwise related.

Hector, an experienced psychologist with an organized, steady, predictable life, and a wonderful, supportive girlfriend, seems to have it made. But soon he begins to question things. Unable to help his patients find happiness, he decides to take off on a trip to discover how people are able to capture that elusive state of being. In doing so, he encounters many eclectic characters and lifestyles from Asia to Africa, and even Los Angeles.

I really like movies that blend humour with thought-provoking storylines. I found the character of Hector to be endearing as well as inspiring; taking on each experience as it comes. It also helped me gain some insight into different peoples' outlook on life, and how our communities and surroundings can sometimes shape us into who we are. Highly recommend!




"Holes"

Stanley Yelnats the fourth is being sent to Camp Green Lake, a disciplinary centre for juvenile delinquents, after an unfortunate misunderstanding (all thanks to his great great grandfather and the family curse). Camp Green Lake, a very misleading name, is unlike any camp Stanley could have imagined. First of all, there is no lake. Second, the only "activity" is for each "camper" to dig a hole; a hole five feet wide and five feet deep, every day, only coming in when completed. It supposedly builds character, but as the weeks go buy, and countless holes are dug, Stanley and his bunk-mates begin to wonder what the reason is behind digging those holes.

Having read and loved the novel by Louis Sachar, I wasn't sure if the movie would live up to it. But thankfully I was proven wrong. Might be a tad slower than current children/family films, but it is quite entertaining. Wonderful cast of characters with interesting (albeit odd and a bit funny) plot; this makes a great summer film.

Interesting Happenings and Events this Month:

• Had a week of solitude during which my inner hermit really came out. Maybe it's time to look for some vacant caves ;)
• Got stung by a bumblebee. First time that I can remember. Happened while I was harvesting lavender from our garden, I cried out in shock. Hopefully none of my neighbours heard whatever weird sound I made. On the plus side, I found out I'm not allergic.
• Sewed a skirt! Took some patience, but managed to complete it in a couple of days.
• Successfully managed to win a game of "Pandemic" with my board game allies. First time ever!
• Watched a lot of Jeopardy with my parents, and have actually gotten some of the answers, including one final Jeopardy ("What is Swaziland and Switzerland, Alex?")
• Got to see our church's softball team play in the final tournament, and come in second! Go Parkdale!
• Hung out with some chickens 

It's been a pretty great month, with more awesome things planned for this last weekend. 

Enjoy August! 

Love,

From There to Here

Wow. Busy week. Busy last few weeks. Tonight the exhaustion is finally hitting me.

I realize that it's been quite some time since my last post. For anyone who still checks this blog, I apologize. Kind of. I'm not that sorry. Haha, what I mean is that there's been a mixture of being busy, pursuing other hobbies, and having writers' block (not to mention simple laziness) that have kept me from writing until now. In fact, words are not flowing out from my brain to my fingertips as smoothly as I'd like, but I'll try to muddle through. Let me catch you up a bit about what's been happening since December.

Christmas, although wonderful and full of family time and fun, was a little tough, as a sort of "numbness" made it feel like I was just going through the motions while my mind was far away, in a fog of grey. There were of course some times when I felt mostly like myself; playing multiple rounds of Dutch Blitz with my family and sister's beau, licking foam from my Starbucks drink, helping out with our Sunday School Christmas pageant, etc. but there was a lot of...nothingness, dullness, along with "what's-the-point-of-living" feelings. What a way to ring in the new year, eh?
One of the really excellent things that happened a little before December, though, was being diagnosed and given proper medication. As it takes a while to build up to the full dose and for it to "kick in", I didn't really notice any positive effects until the end of January/beginning of February.

Little by little, my mind started to "wake up" as it were. Things weren't so blurred and grey. Little things started to interest me, and being social was far less arduous. And now, it's hard to even remember quite what it was like last autumn!

These last few months have been wonderful. New opportunities, new friends, getting more involved; all of this has contributed greatly to my current state. Above all though, I marvel at where God has brought me. My depression is basically gone. How is that possible? With God. When my meds first started working, my anxiety, unfortunately, went up. Now, however, things seem to be leveling out, and I'll be the first one to, again, give full credit to God and His outstanding power to change.
Thank you to all of you who were thinking about and praying for me!

Now, quickly, some most recent happenings:
I've gotten to spend some time with animals, which is really great, since I still miss our beloved dog, Freyja.
My mum and I went to the mainland to visit my sister and I got to see how she makes the purses for her business (here's the link to it, in case you're interested: Connally's Online Shop )
Still knitting, as usual. I am preparing things to sell at a fibre festival in August. So far, I only have a couple items, but hopefully will have more in time.
I've gotten back into visual art, specifically illustration, "pen pal art" (decorating envelopes, cards, letters, etc), watercolours, and I've also finished a collection of abstract doodles.
I got my hair chopped off! From being past my waist, it is now jaw length.

Lots of fun stuff!

Summer is my favourite time of year. The weather is fantastic, it's light out longer and, best of all, friends are coming to visit!!! It looks like three of my dearly loved friends will be either coming home or visiting throughout the summer and I could not be more excited!
When you add the amount of outdoor time I get to have, this summer is looking like a good one.

Sending out warm hugs all around,